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My wife and I were living apart for one year before we got married. She was studying in Beijing while I was still studying in South Africa.
It was very tough, especially for her having the culture shock and all, and being all alone in a completely different culture. But we did manage, got engaged and got married a year later!

Oh, and while ICQ did work fairly well, Skype had a delay of up to more than a minute, so it wasn't worth the effort to skype. Apparently, this is much better now.

Yep
Didn't work
12000 kms is much too much
Too bad...

TC's last haiku

hehe TC,

at that time (2004) it also was illegal to use voice-over-IP for phone calls in south africa. I only found that out a year later, though, when it was "legalized". So, if you see a "wanted" poster from South Africa with charges of repeatedly using (well, trying to use) VoIP, that would be me.

In one word : nope

I am currently separated from my beloved by 5,000 miles, the Atlantic Ocean and 7 time zones. It is NOT something we want to do permanently! But we met online, have spent several months together in either Europe or the US, and are just waiting to see what happens next.

It's really tough being apart, but it's not going to be forever!

BoPeep wrote:

It's really tough being apart, but it's not going to be forever!

I think exactly the same thing. Who's gonna leave the continent BoPeep? Is it you who'll move to the US or is it her who'll move to Europe?

Good news, my girlfriend will be in London next week end (I didn't see her for three weeks now)

Er I am "her" actually! I was in the US till mid-January and had to leave him behind (those awful airport goodbyes:(), so we haven't seen each other for over 6 weeks, and don't know yet when the next time will be.

I think I will be the one packing and moving...

oops all my apologises BoPeep!

Ho I HATE these airport/train goodbyes, I know them since 2000! (we've been quite often separated actually)

I hope you'll quickly see him again, and that you'll have a good time together.

Take care,

Julien, from London

Thanks! I'll keep you posted, from wherever that might be

BTDT - didn't work out.  Never again!

We're seeing each other in 11 days' time, yay!! I'm going to the US to see him We'll have been apart for over 3 months which just seems like forever... (been together 11 months)... then we only get 10 days together, but it's much better than nothing at all!

Let's see...before we got married, DH and I were apart (me in U.S., he in Japan) for 1 1/2 years--separated by a 14-hour time difference and the great stretch of the Atlantic Ocean (or Pacific, whichever way you're flying).

aurora94 wrote:

Let's see...before we got married, DH and I were apart (me in U.S., he in Japan) for 1 1/2 years--separated by a 14-hour time difference and the great stretch of the Atlantic Ocean (or Pacific, whichever way you're flying).

That's awful! How did you manage this situation?

Julien wrote:

aurora94 wrote:

Let's see...before we got married, DH and I were apart (me in U.S., he in Japan) for 1 1/2 years--separated by a 14-hour time difference and the great stretch of the Atlantic Ocean (or Pacific, whichever way you're flying).

That's awful! How did you manage this situation?

With a very large phone bill and a few trips back and forth.

Hi,
   I've been using skype to keep in touch. Its cheap fast and feels real. You should try it, cause US & Japan it's far far away.
I've bought this new unlimited calls package to call US. The total package was only $29.95 and I can make call anytime and as long as I want.

No. Never going to happen.

It worked for 5 years, and then didn't...
Don't ask me why... I guess we both expect the other one to leave his life...
Now I'm happy with someone else and he's too, so I guess it was a wonderful story...
At the time, we were using skype every night and low cost company because our two towns were linked by one: cheap to go twice a months, that was good.

this is an interesting discussion, because me and my husband were considering me and the babies going ahead of him, when his mom has the older kids during the summer,  so that he can tie up loose ends kidless, and i can have fun getting the house in order n get the babies acclimated to the time change, etc.. before he and the other kids come and have to go to work/school. so how hard is it to acclimate with kids, on your own in a strange land? it would probably only be 4-6 weeks before he, my mother-in-law, and the rest of the kids would join me.

and does anyone know of a good Spanish lesson program? been watching Dora the Explorer w/the kids, but i feel somehow that i'm missing something...

thanks in advance! you guys are always so helpful!

FXF,

It seems like it would depend as much on your own personality, how much time you have spent apart, and how much you would have to do....if you will already have a house set up, with furnishings, and all utilities in place, and you are used to parenting on your own, and being away from your spouse, well, go for it. 

I think that you will probably find it much more stressful setting up here, than closing up there...and the kids going into school will not want to be too jet-lagged on top of the other issues. 

One strong argument for coming over with the kids first is that it can be very hard on them to watch their life in their known home being packed up...we did it to our kids, and keep doing it to them, but it isn´t easy for them...maybe you and your spouse come over and get a place, and get it set up...budget for this...an unfurnished place in Spain only has to have a two burner stove, toilet and sink...so you may need to buy light fixtures etc etc etc....I would also gert in touch with the local international women´s group, and get some contacts, then go home, and you come back with the kids, or all together....plan fun things for when you are there with the kids....

So much depends on you though.  It also depends on how much you ahve traveled...if you are used to going to places where things are done differently, and you don´t speak the language, then managing with babies, and luggage and jet-lag may be doable...but if not, well, it would be hard.

Depends a lot on you though...

Yeah. Living far from life partner is a terrible emotion, especially if you are newly married couple, I experience that and also sacrificed for my profession. You miss that romance and love very much.

As soon as I am back from office, I start with chatting with my husband and also call him and talk more than one hour or two hours, but I miss him a lot, and feeling lonely.

I can't live far from him. Each time he has to go on a business trip (one week to 10 days, never more than that fortunately) it's incredibly difficult to let him go. So: no way I can stay far from him!

Nope, never....

I am living in this kind of situation now. When I went to do some work in Ethiopia on behalf of my company, I met and fell in love with a beautiful Ethiopian lady. After my work was done, I had to return to my home and work in Uganda. I must admit I left my heart in Ethiopia and feel so incomplete without this beauty! When I got back home, I made it a point to talk to her twice or thrice a week regardless of the costs. This I have done for months but still feel the effects of the long distance between us. At one point, I almost accepted a job offer of an amount far less than what I get back here in Uganda all in the name of love. I knew I would not be able to survive on this small salary, but was willing to quit my job here so I can go be near this lady in order to help the relationship grow. I know this was a very crazy move but it is what my heart desired. Both my friends here and those in Ethiopia advised me against the idea and I think they were right because living there on a small salary would not only make life hard for me but would also ruin the relationship. So I chose to stay with my company and keep communicating. For those who have been into long distance relationships, you know how tough it is. I have found lots of barriers, to start with....the telecommunications network in Ethiopia is very bad, so when you call, you take longer repeating the same words so that someone on the other side can hear you and understand you as well. When it comes to sending sms, it is very expensive for someone in Ethiopia to send sms outside their country and this leaves me with no option but to always calls, sms but expect no reply in any form...not even a text message on the cell phone! All this makes life bizarre because you can not know what exactly is transpiring in the other person's life and this drives you nuts if it does not hurt the relationship. Frequent flights would help matters but when the plane ticket costs more than what you earn, you are left at the crossroads wondering what to do. Friends, you can imagine what goes on in my mind on a daily basis; I never stop thinking about this love! I would give anything to be close to her.

Can I - well I have, my last relationship I met him when I was in Senegal.  We were together for a month and a half and then I went back to Canada.  We stayed together for almost a year after even though it was really hard.

Been there, never going to do that again.

Wander,you are right,it's very hard.

I've been apart from my fiancé for more time of our nearly four year relationship than we've been on the same continent I think. It is very hard and I certainly don't think it's something that everyone can handle but I feel like it'll be soo worth it in the end.

Also, I feel like if we can survive after this long, we can weather any difficulty married life throws our way. Having to rely on IM, skype and webcamming all this time has made us really good at communicating with eachother too so there are some perks..

Thankfully this is the last week we'll have to spend without eachother though!!  soon we'll be married and then no one will be able to keep us apart


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This seems to be the "standard" for some of us, "modern couples".
My boyfriend lives in the mountains in the Alps while I live in the French Mediterranean. Lucky enough, I can/could spend winter and summer in the resort where he lives and works... but if I had a 9-5 kind of job, I would never be able to do that.
This will be our last months going back and forth. It's not working for me... I'm moving to the mountains, wherever they are :-P

It can very very difficult.
When the loneliness got the best of me,i took a 10 working days leave(thats about 2 weeks and a half) to go to Ethiopia just to be close to her,and spend some time with her.
I flew to Ethiopia on 30th May and returned on 16th June,i really think it was worth it,am a bit settled now though am beginning to feel the distance again!

Its hard, but love no know border and distance

feel lonely? yes of course but trust (even its hard..) and good communication can help a little bit, and understanding...

wew..my opinion sounds so wise..hehehe,anyway that what me and my bf do, keep communicate and trust even we both far away..19 hours by flight..eugh..his ass must be sore

BoPeep wrote:

I am currently separated from my beloved by 5,000 miles, the Atlantic Ocean and 7 time zones. It is NOT something we want to do permanently! But we met online, have spent several months together in either Europe or the US, and are just waiting to see what happens next.

It's really tough being apart, but it's not going to be forever!

This is almost identical to my current situation. I'm living in Europe and my Girlfriend in in Los Angeles. We met in Dec 2008 and I hope to move there in Jan 2010. Its very difficult but we have tqalked so much and our visits have been so intense that I wouldn't swap it for anything.

I think its a really great way to get to know some one very well and to appreciate them for who they are.

Good luck to everyone in Love.

well, i never lived this satuation............but i think that it will be harder for the women than men.

I was long distance for a year (me east coast USA, him Iceland) and I wouldn't want to do it again unless it was much closer timezonewise.

However, I do know quite a few couples who're doing this (some even married). One couple is in Iceland and Germany, another Iceland and Switzerland, another France and USA. They usually manage to see each other once every other month at the least, and fill the gaps with a lot of skyping and video chat.

it probably helps that in all those situations, one half of the couple is a student and therefore has a more flexible schedule when it comes to where they're working. They can afford the frequent absences from "home base" in order to visit their other halves.