海角乱伦

i get it Steve...

I sold my Cdn prorperty last October....
My routine was ....

may/June - Canada
again Sept/Oct

Christmas / spring in Philadelphia
plus a fall trip maybe

Now... a stool w/ 2 (not 3 ) legs

KILLING me... short tempered isn't descriptive enough

I've been here for 3 months.聽 I think I'm understanding this expat fatigue.聽 I am lonely, I'm grouchy, I'm frustrated and am thinking I'll just take the next plane back to Canada.聽
Its canada day and I have no canadian friends here and even very few Dominican friends.
I'm struggling to learn Spanish & am seeking online work.

I think I'm reaching out here.聽
Anyone else feeling like this and want to get together mid to late in the week?

WillieWeb wrote:

Happens a lot - I'd say

My cure is the airport....

There goes the winning post of the thread - If your life is making you unhappy, do something about changing it.

Don't worry, a sense of humor is mandatory here.

And it is a real thing.聽 Good link posted, thanks.聽 I have often said, those who can adapt have the easiest experience. Those who cannot are rarely happy and constantly struggle.

I have a friend, from聽 NJ...
he has a penthouse in the ZC with a view - very happy

A while back, he got fed up - missed his grandchildren, etc - and sais he was leaving
Bye bye penthouse...

we talked him off the proverbial ledge
advocating more trips back to participate more.... best of both worlds

He did that and is much happier now

Too long, too often can be be problematic for some --- me for one

What about a cruise ?
from here, from Miami, from NYC....nice week to 10 days away
food & room included !!

Each expat has to manage this need. I know some who are here 9 months,聽 leave for 3 months going around visiting family etc.聽 聽That works for them.聽 I have not left in 14 1/2 years.... no need or interest. That works for me.

I broached this subject last night - with a Dominican.
Said I was frustrated and needed a break from this life

The response ??
How do you think we feel??
But we can't leave !!!

True be that......
I often say - they're trapped....
so - they drink, are promiscuous... quite a list

Many have no TV - no Internet....

they see & know the 'other world'... but it's out of reach....unattainable

That must be horrendously frustrating.聽 You can see where many have given up hope. Others are happy with their lives. And yet others strive to have a different life.

They dream of getting out.... literally

They get in a rut like we cannot imagine
I feel for them

Can someone explain to me the life style. You have $50 you spend it all even on non necessities. Or maybe I just see the ones that do?!?!

Ha ha. Now we are trying to deflect to say Dominicans also have the fatigue.

I guess seeing expats grumbling who live a damn good life in comparison, they have more than plenty of reason to want out of the daily challenges of forging a living here. I dont deny some want out, but far from all.

Hey Dominicans are moving back home now on balance. See the plentiful of homes under construction from the remittances. See the joy on Dominican faces when returning here as I did this week. Home is home for whoever you are.

For expats it is where you choose, adapt and find peace.

DR is my choice after considering and living in many places and the home of my wife.

No one said or implied they all want out.聽 No one said they have expat fatigue.

Of course there are many Dominicans who are very happy. That does not mean they wouldnt聽 love a better life!

You are very correct that many see the expat lifestyle and are envious.聽 Do you not think they want what well off Dominicans have? Do you not think almost every little boy wants to be an MLB star and give his mom everything?

Also correct many Dominicans are coming back home.聽 Many I have spoken too left, made their money and came back to a better life in the country they love. Many are disillusioned and come home!聽 So yes that is their expat fatigue. They were 海角乱伦s.

I don't see any issue discussing these two ideas in this thread.

11/11 ---- Lest We Forget

Many Ex-pats - foreign or Dominican - come here for the cost of living... as one factor

Sure.. weather, water, beach.... but affordable is surely high on the list
Those returning Dominicans won't have a million stashed away... and they know how to stretch their savings.

The paradox I was alluding to is that the country sees the news and TV showing what the outside is like,
but to them , it's unattainable...
for 2 reasons ... cost and visa worthiness

I find that sad in a lot of ways.
When my friend was talking to me.... it wasn't anger at all...just a statement of fact

As mentioned earlier cultural differences - stresses - are the leading cause of ex-pat failure. But, I've thought it must be reeeally hard for a Dominican to re-settle in the US. Much faster life style, sooo competitive, a language barrier many Americans are intolerant of, and rules, rules, and more rules. Just so overwhelming.
So, is it easier to slam on the brakes, like we do, or push the accelerator to the floor in a rat race. Depends on the individual to a large extent I would think. But I would choose to slam on the brakes at this point in my life, despite some of the frustrations聽 :0)

True -true...

I am amazed at the Dominicans that work in the USA..
we have several in my town who go to Nantucket for the summers

Their English is terrible to non-existent ....
no wonder they come back

Mind you - in Canada - when Hong Kong was exiting the British Empire
they FLED to Canada (Vancouver) with their British passports.

Bought BIG house... & knocked them down
to do the Feng Shue...whatever

Millions for the house.... millions more to rebuild
They destroyed the real estate market

Mercedes dealers sales went thru the roof

BUT --- BUT
they NEVER assimilated...
no English, their own schooling... totally separate

The men commuted back to HK to work

Same game - different place

Mind you, their exodus had different reasons
but still............

Hey Steverino,

I just now read this post and this might come late but I know exactly what you mean. It's a big adjustment and especially if you do not know the country language you start to feel very isolated and very much like an outsider. I went through that when I was new to the language, country etc much faster than 7 months too. It was a strange feeling because I never felt anything like it before.聽 聽I think it would be a good idea of a meet and greet with expats every now and then. (Maybe at a good restaurant if anyone knows of any). I have friends in other countries and we do that which really helps just having people around that you feel you can relate to you more. I've never been to Casa De Campo but looks great from the pictures I want to check it out one day. You are not alone, there are many of us that feel like you do sometimes as far as isolated. When I barely spoke any Spanish I felt like an alien by the end of month two.聽 I agree with William's idea about jumping on a plane that has cured it for me in the past.聽 But if you don't know the language I highly recommend Rosetta Stone once you speak their language it will help you alot that plays a bigger role than you realize. Have fun with it learn the language and even when you don't speak it perfect I find that most here are very patient while you struggle to throw together a sentence in their language. I also find when I feel that way to stop take a breath and instead of thinking about all the things back home that you miss, think of the things that you have really grown to appreciate here like the very slow pace of life, beautiful beaches, and costs of living.聽 As they would say in Costa Rica Pura Vida or how they would say it in Jamaica no worries.

Interesting. I am not sure the early adjustments are the same as expat fatigue.聽

However it is also very real!聽 It's worth discussion.聽 In the beginning it's easy and common to feel isolated especially when language is a barrier.

Many live in proximity to other 海角乱伦s, so in some ways meetups happen every day in cafes, restaurants and bars.聽 If you are not near other 海角乱伦s, yes it can get to you.聽

If you have no 海角乱伦s nearby, travel to some areas with other 海角乱伦s, chat online and join expat forums and talk about this.

Casa de campo is a lovely area but it's gated so access isn't easy. You can go to the marina, shops and restaurants and check it out. There are 海角乱伦s in La Romana as well.

Las Terrenas is chock full of English speakers! We've met some really great people, both natives and ex-pats. A primary reason we have chosen to settle in LT. We have been trying really hard the last couple of years to learn Spanish. Some success, but it is difficult for our older (inflexible) brains, and work is still so demanding of our time. But I think learning the language is so important to develop relationships with Dominicans. They can help us navigate day to day life, and it is important for us to be party of the local community.

20 days to DR vacation! But, who's counting聽 :0)

What helps in learning Spanish is to put yourself in a position where you have NO option but to speak it!聽 聽LOL

He estado trabajando en mi espanol por 2 anos ahora. Yo tengo una professora聽 on-line de Guatemala. Yo pago $17.00/ hora. Esto es una bien manera entender la idioma聽 : )

Do you live here or outside of here? IF here why would you not employ someone here to teach you? Just curious....

Yes, that's our problem. No immersion!聽 We did take one class but it wasn't very good. At least we're trying and we do apply our Spanish when we visit there. Like anywhere some locals are eager to help and some are annoyed by our crappy Spanish聽 :0)

I actually understood Steverino. Progress!聽 ;0)

Good point!聽 I live in Victoria, B.C. in the summer and met a person here who referred me to Yanet from Guatemala with rave reviews. I have a package deal with Yanet and her compania but will use a Dominican when I have completed this package....

Awesome and makes sense!

I thought this would be a good place to open a discussion about how we are coping with this cuarentena....

I'm not doing too well

As I posted earlier in this thread, after selling my Cdn house, I am limited to PHL and here for residences.... a bit restrictive
I used to spend almost 4 months on the Great Lakes and holidays in PHL... the rest here.

With the travel restrictions.... it's here for now !!!

My daughter in NYC has a newborn... she fled to the PHL countryside and my wife left her early in March to help her.

My UK daughter was visiting here when USA closed the UK flights
she's still here

The 5pm thing burrows deep after a while - I find
The inability to fly out does too

I go to the beach for my exercise daily - weekdays
Try to fill my days as best as I can

But 2 months is a looong time - huh?

How's everybody else doing ??

Self help here.....

Yes Willi Web it's tough and let no one tell you it's not.

Strange, when first came here in 2014 we were determined to buy something over here.
But over the years of learning and now with Covid-19 all I can say like you fatigue does set in and in our case change our perspective of things..聽 All we want to do is get back to Europe.

Until recently Italy was the worst country in Europe for Covid-19 but they've just announced everything will reopen on June 3 including tourism and flights.聽 Other countries are following suit and airlines are banging the table to restart.聽 Why are these countries do this is because they've got the R factor under control, Germany just started their football again today, so people can start to feel a little more confident and to get the economies working again.

There's far too much doom and gloom being talked about which in itself is depressing.聽 I need to walk but for me at this time of year it's too hot.聽 We're fortunate we have a pool so I do plenty of exercise.

Let's hope the DR Gov start to get things under control so we once again find out freedom and do the things we want to do.聽 I was just saying to my wife if we had gone to one of the French islands like Guadeloupe we would have been home by now. If we had been in St Lucia or Barbados the same would have applied.聽 Has your daughter registered with the British embassy in SD-you never know they may have a repatriation.聽 Take care and be safe.

Ducketts

You'll find this hard to believe, but I have been virtually unaffected by this whole mess. If anything, other businesses closing have given me more work than I could possibly handle!

I get up every morning M-F and go to work, come home in the afternoon, eat dinner, and have a cigar in my back patio, then inside for some TV and bedtime.

The only difference has been closing work an hour earlier every day for the curfew.

Weekends are a visit to the supermarket and putter around the house.聽 I am absolutely loving the quietness every night and wish it would last forever.

For me it's stressful.聽 My main business is closed down until we can reopen.聽 I am responsible for a lot of.people and doing what I can to help them out. And all the overhead still has to be paid.

My other company they are all able to work from home, so I manage from home.聽 Juggling getting equipment moved around is challenging but I manage.

I live alone and have to get help for plumbing and similar issues.聽

I have managed to get caught up on all my accounting backlog.聽 And I hate accounting!聽

What I miss most is human interaction.聽 I live alone and miss talking face to face!

And of course if I don't get out dancing soon it could get ugly.

Hoping things get back to normal soon.

She only has residency status... The Embassy refused her

Not to worry - she's not anxious to get back & I enjoy the company

It certainly has been frustrating being restricted in mobility. Patience is sure wearing thin.

I am particularly frustrated that I cant finish my property in the campo and relocate. I am at finishing stage and we had selected the porcelina聽 tiles and were about to purchase and deliver and put our maestro to work whilst buying all the plumbing and electrical components and trimmings. The covid19 and the campo is tightly controlled by the police.

So I wait, but I was lucky to have secured a PM position from a NY owner company having met them in NY end of February..phew...for the refurbishment of their luxury resort in TCI. I've been kept busy working remotely and await my work permit and travel but that is still months away for sure.

My wife found the confinement too much and she went to the campo last week to be with family.

I'm expecting that construction will be one of a few parts of the economy that will be opened up in the coming days and so I will be kept even busier.

At least with my wife in the campo we can arrange for more crops to be planted on our property. We had a good yield of different beans and ayuama and the melons and corn are looking good. Fruit trees and ginola coming along. I want to negociate and buy a number of bee hives from a local there.

Plus I am more convinced than ever I want to be off grid and drill my own well and purify the water, plus solar.

Things to do.....in my Dominican home....I do miss soccer - my team Liverpool...the Kop song lingers...in my Liverpool home...in my Liverpool home...under a statue exceedingly bare, we have two cathedrals, got one to spare.....

Yep a bit loco with all this too..

Not loco at all

Good luck

Ducketts

PS聽 English Premier to resume so Liverpool will be crowned champions.

In regards to 海角乱伦 fatigue,...
Haven't even relocated yet but, I am curious about something.
When I start this adventure, it is a certainty, that I will be using plenty of hotels. I have no intention of staying in one place and calling it home, right away. It wouldn't take me more than a week to know if it's the right place for me or not. Then I would hop to the next place. That's how I am. If and when, I find my destination, I would purchase a home. No renting, I like to own.
After that, I know some of the appeal will wear off and want a change.
That's where WillieWeb's post
"My cure is the airport" comes in.
I loved that line. Brevity is the soul of wit. But, that would most definitely be me. I would head to the airport and come back to the States. I have properties here, so I'm good.
The question that I have is....
Let's say I leave for a month or two.
What would be the proper method of securing the DR home while I'm away ?? In the States, I have tenants and neighbors, but, it took a long time to establish them. Are there property management companies ?
Can they be trusted ? Etc.
Is there a way to avoid the worry ?

Get someone trustworthy. My neighbor an American travel between New York, Ocoa and Santo Domingo. If there is something going in my place,聽 he emailed me, likewise. He has Thomas for over 10 years a good person and honest.if you want some reference let me know.

I usually don鈥檛 add much, but whenever I read these posts I think much about these types of situations, and how come most of us (ex pats) experience this (fatigue, Dominican fatigue, home sick, not what you thought) differently.

I鈥檓 going to shoot it straight, I think the expats that get hit the hardest are the ones who came looking for that/those person(s). From what I鈥檝e seen, if having a relationship is complicated in America, it鈥檚 even more complicated here, and I find ex pats struggle when their worlds start to ORBIT Dominican space.聽 An expat on this platform cautioned on trying to integrate into the local population, and I agree.

I relocated to the DR here with my fianc茅 (a US born southerner) so we could get married and settle down鈥攕he was my best friend.聽 We lived in the mountains up in Jarabacoa where she died last June in the midst of COVID.聽 I decided to stay, ALONE.聽
It was a rough adjustment, but I (we鈥檒l) all get through those rough patches.

Also I think it鈥檚 fair to keep in mind that some expats may live around other expats, or came here with there significant others and have friends and company鈥攖hat鈥檚 not true for everyone, so it鈥檚 cool if we can have a forum where we can complain every now and then about the struggle of adjustment; and living in a (AS ONE EXPAT EHO WAS KIND OF SHAMED CALLED IT) the 鈥渕e first culture鈥斺�� I love that one.

P.S. Please don鈥檛 cancel me 馃槂
鉁岎煆�

Thank you donnyD for resurrecting this thread.

Not all of us have the luxury of jumping on a plane if things get tough. And anyhow thats a cop out imo.

There are so many expat options worldwide. All have challenges. You can get tired of living as an expat just as easily as in your hone country.

Angelx, you are perhaps correct. Those who came with high preconceived expectations including looking for a partner probably struggle more.

DR is what it is. Imperfect troubled paradise in so many forms.

Adapt and try find your peace of mind.

I would agree with the majority of the post. Find someone you trust higher a landscaper to take care of your yard and pool possibly. Install some cameras and sensor emotions on each window. Put in any type of Wi-Fi thermostat you can find that way you can control the humidity in your house from wherever you are. The key thing is to find people you trust. Keep the list small and you won't have to worry in the world. I know some gardeners and people who leave for extended period of times the gardener will even come in check underneath the counters for you and make sure nothing is leaking and they'll also water any plants you have and they ask for so little in return.

Hey Lenox,
I was responding to your reply and then it got lost some how.
Anyway.....It is my nature, to not stay in a particular situation for an extended period of time. I enjoy change. Even here in the States, I reside in NC, when I get in the mood to change, I think nothing of hopping in my car and driving 8 hours to NY to visit friends and family or 11 hrs to get to Vermont to go skiing in the winter.聽 My experience with international travel is minimal at best, maybe once every 6-7 years. My intrigue with the DR comes from my exposure to former colleagues and friends, who have retired well and returned to the DR. I wish I knew their location, but, it has been a while.
My ability to shift my location is because, my property here is paid off. Otherwise, I would be struggling with mortgages and the dream would be a pipe dream. This ability also comes from the fact that, when I take on a project, it's 12 hr days 7 days a week for maybe 3 months. When I get done, I am not ashamed to reward myself, It's what makes me want to do it again.
You mention people arriving with high expectations.聽 I have lived my life, with the philosophy of....聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 聽 the secret to happiness is LOW expectations. It's difficult to be disappointed that way.
Now, for the interesting part....馃槼
It seems to me, and both you and angel mentioned 海角乱伦s seeking relationships.聽 The only type of relationship a foreigner arriving in an impoverished country could be seeking, would be one of superiority. THAT'S NOT MY BAG聽 !!!
If I need a servant, I will hire one.
From what I hear, 7,000 pesos and your good. Then I did the conversion and I realized, it's an insult.
I'm not a softy. I worked high-rise construction for 15 years, the NYPD for 15 years and have been rehabbing properties for 15 years.
Sorry, but, I want a new adventure.
My adventure is based SOLELY on curiosity. Who knows, I may venture through the DR and HATE everything about it. Not likely, but, who knows ?
I don't consider my desire to move around and keep it fresh a cop out.
Quite the contrary, I consider accepting your station in life, when you're not satisfied, a cop out.
I try to keep a low profile. I don't have a problem accepting people for who they are, it just determines the amount of interaction that I have with them.
This has ALWAYS been my attitude.
My hope is, that it is acceptable in the DR.聽 聽 聽Sorry for the rant.