海角乱伦

A newly Married Husband saved his Wife's number... on his mobile as...
"My Life"..

After one year of marriage he changed the number to
"My Wife"..

After 2 years of marriage he changed the number to
"Home"..

After 5 years of marriage he changed the number to
"Hitler"..!!

After 10 years of marriage he changed the number to
"Wrong Number"..!!!

I'm an old romantic.

After almost six years, my wife still comes up as, "Sayangku cantik".

Yes, I know you want me but I'm a married man.

Police officer: 9-1-1 Police, Fire, Ambulance - what's your emergency?

Woman (hysterical): Police, come quick, as quickly as possible in fact! There's a whole bunch of dead people here.

Police officer:? Ok, calm down m'am, where are you calling from?

Woman:? From Forest Lawn Cemetery, of course.

Aha, I can see you're happily bouncing.

mas fred wrote:

I'm an old romantic.

After almost six years, my wife still comes up as, "Sayangku cantik".

Yes, I know you want me but I'm a married man.

mas fred wrote:

I'm an old romantic.

Dita Mignonesia wrote:

Aha, I can see you're happily bouncing.

Sorry, A gentleman never tells.

Okokokokok, but I guess you wont stop bouncing tho. you know what happen if animals have Facebook? these are most likely to be their Status Updates,

COCKROACH: Managed to skip from some one?s foot step.. Man, I lead a dangerous lifestyle!

Cat: My 7th child is asking who is  her dad. What shall I tell her??, I don?t even remember

Mosquito: I am HIV positive.. this  is all due to wrong sucking

Chicken: If tomorrow I didn't  updating my status, means I'm being served at KFC.  Love you all ♥

Pig: Oh gosh they throw the  gossips that I am spreading flu?WTF!!

Sheep : Friends, don?t go out, Eid is  coming soon

mas fred wrote:

mas fred wrote:

I'm an old romantic.

Dita Mignonesia wrote:

Aha, I can see you're happily bouncing.

Sorry, A gentleman never tells.

I think I've run out of jokes I can possibly tell in polite company.

Dream makes everything possible, Hope makes everything work,
Love makes everything beautiful, Smile makes all the above...
So always brush your teeth.

Dita Mignonesia wrote:

A real story that happened in China
なだや罗やわマヤなた
名棚や探したい以下対 する
目指し回友人目指し差 が愛する
なたさるかなだ羅山な 滝さやかあな?? ?やマヌらは坂花やま あ傘話間に魚玉? ??らはがやわまぁら 花や なたまやかあさらやわ はさたなはやなたきた なよ?? ?いさは早見たかあや バカにかわ鼻高? ??なわ谷中あだ名は さな たかなあかさやなやま なたあかさなや帆な肉 違い?? ?耶
really a touching story....

You should change that to Japan.

Yes Hailey but do you really have to say that here? it suppose to be funny.

HaileyinHongKong wrote:

Dita Mignonesia wrote:

A real story that happened in China
なだや罗やわマヤなた
名棚や探したい以下対 する
目指し回友人目指し差 が愛する
なたさるかなだ羅山な 滝さやかあな?? ?やマヌらは坂花やま あ傘話間に魚玉? ??らはがやわまぁら 花や なたまやかあさらやわ はさたなはやなたきた なよ?? ?いさは早見たかあや バカにかわ鼻高? ??なわ谷中あだ名は さな たかなあかさやなやま なたあかさなや帆な肉 違い?? ?耶
really a touching story....

You should change that to Japan.

Politician was shouting to his writer. . .

Why did you write such a long boring speech that everyone in the audience started dozing away?

Writer: the speech was not wrong and long. But by mistake I gave you the 3 photocopies along with the original.

Bank clerk: Boss, there is no more space to keep office records. Can i throw away all old files?
Bank Manager: OK, you can do that. But do not forget to keep two xerox copies of each record.

Hahaha....very funny infact...!

really....?

wana loose...?

GF N BF situation......

GF: Lets go to McDonald?
BF: First spell its name..
GF: Hmm, lets go to KFC
BF: No, first tell me full form of KFC.
GF: Leave it, lets go for ride..

ahahahahahahahahh

A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor?s surgery.

?Why is your stomach so big?? ? he asks.
?I?m having a baby.? ? she replies.
?Is the baby in your stomach?? ? he asks, with his big eyes.
?Yes, it is.? ? she says.

?Is it a good baby?? ? he asks, with a puzzled look.
?Oh, yes. A really good baby.? ? the lady replies.

Shocked and surprised, he asks: ?Then why did you eat him??

A woman runs into a doctor?s office and says ?DOCTOR! DOCTOR! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!?

The doctor replied, ?Show me.?

So the woman poked her ankle and screamed of pain. Then she poked her knee and yelled OW. She poked her forehead and screamed again.

She was about to continue when the doctor said, ?That?s enough, let me think this over.? He thought for about a minute and said ?I think I know what your problem is. You broke your finger.?

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box.

She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, ?Is something wrong??

To which she replied, ?There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, ?YOU?VE GOT MAIL!?

MAD297 wrote:

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box.

She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, ?Is something wrong??

To which she replied, ?There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, ?YOU?VE GOT MAIL!?

this one is touching......

Man goes to the doctor.

Doctor, doctor - I think I'm a snooker ball.
OK, wait at the end of the cue.

Doctor, doctor - I think I'm a deck of cards.
OK, wait a moment but don't shuffle about.

Doctor, doctor - I think.
Descartes, I've told you about this.

Really so funny jokes, these all makes me laugh so much.
I also share a joke with all of you..


Double heart attack message by a girl to a boy:
.
.
.
1st Msg:"Lets break up now,its all over..
.
.
.
2nd Msg:"Sorry, Sorry, Sorry! That was not for you...:p

JasfurJQ wrote:

GF N BF situation......

GF: Lets go to McDonald?
BF: First spell its name..
GF: Hmm, lets go to KFC
BF: No, first tell me full form of KFC.
GF: Leave it, lets go for ride..

I don't get it.

HaileyinHongKong wrote:

JasfurJQ wrote:

GF N BF situation......

GF: Lets go to McDonald?
BF: First spell its name..
GF: Hmm, lets go to KFC
BF: No, first tell me full form of KFC.
GF: Leave it, lets go for ride..

I don't get it.

Wear shorter skirts and use lipstick.

How do you make a band stand.

haggishunter wrote:

How do you make a band stand.

Put ants on their chairs?

HaileyinHongKong wrote:

JasfurJQ wrote:

GF N BF situation......

GF: Lets go to McDonald?
BF: First spell its name..
GF: Hmm, lets go to KFC
BF: No, first tell me full form of KFC.
GF: Leave it, lets go for ride..

I don't get it.

I know the joke was to shallow for you, Any time you wish to demonstrate something, the number of faults is proportional to the number of viewers.

please post another story Brother, i need to laugh....

Boys and girls like each others, get into love, it is all because of misunderstanding..
But they immediately do break ups when understand one another..

A boxer?s wife is woken up by
Some weird noises coming from the living room.
She wakes her husband up and tells him:
?Rocky! Wake up!
I think somebody?s in the living room for a private boxing lesson!?

An elderly married couple were walking in the park
The other day and noticed a young man and woman sitting on a bench,
Kissing Passionately.
The wife asked, "Why don't you do like that man?"
The husband replied, "I don't even know that woman!"

No fred.

You take away their chairs.

JasfurJQ wrote:

I know the joke was to shallow for you, Any time you wish to demonstrate something, the number of faults is proportional to the number of viewers.

I don't get that either.

I love this one about stereotypes:

Heaven Is Where:

The French are the chefs
The Italians are the lovers
The British are the police
The Germans are the mechanics
And the Swiss make everything run on time

Hell is Where:

The British are the chefs
The Swiss are the lovers
The French are the mechanics
The Italians make everything run on time
And the Germans are the police

The funniest Russian word
One of the funniest Russian words is the word torch, I mean torch as in the Olympic games not flashlight.
The word in Russian is ?Fakel? so you can imagine what happened to an expat in a football match where there was a team called ?Fakel?.The guy was new around here and was just exploring the culture a bit. So he went to a football match to see the emotions and the overall atmosphere in a Russian stadium. Then imagine when there was a goal and people began to shout ?Fakel? ? Fakel? ?Fakel?. Yeah, he was shocked at the way Russians expressed their support)

There was a man from Australia who painted his arse like a dahlia,the colour was right but the smell was a failure.

New Chinese expat in USA tries every butcher shop looking for dog meat. Then he sees a road stall selling hot dogs. Aha! Pays and walks away opening the hot dog. Oh No! Only part of dog I don?t eat.

Man shopping for a toupee:
I think I will take this one.
That will be $29 with tax
Forget the tacks, I will rather use glue.